Book 3- Life and Death

A lot of people worry about death. It is the second most common fear after public speaking. That means most people would rather be in the coffin then doing the sermon. Hahaha... Not my joke but pretty funny, right?

Why would you worry about death? Think about the time before you were born. Do you remember that? Does it bother you that you don't??

Exactly.

Book 2: MOST IMPORTANT RULE!

If you meet anyone named Ian, and they're are not me, you must hit them on the head over and over again with a ruler. Or a meter stick!

That is the most important rule.

Book 2: Rules

101 suggestions to do about life!

1. Do not promise something that you can’t succeed. For example don’t say that you have a list of 101 things and then only give 79. It’s just stupid.

2. Avoid talking to me; I’ll just make your life weirder.

3. Try to talk to me at least once a day; I’ll make your life weirder.

4. Whenever some jock idiots are performing there pregame testosterone infected rituals, simply say, “I’m sorry but I can’t join in. I’m confident with my penis size,” or if you’re a girl, “Men are idiots! Let’s go have a tea party,”

6. Love everybody and everything. Then, when you get bored of that, hate everything.

7. Avoid the number f*ve like the plague.

8. Eat only whole grains and nothing else.

9. Give a child a hug. (A child that you know. Hugging strangers, even if they’re children, is looked down upon)

10. Jaywalk!

11. If someone tells you to walk a mile, run twenty miles. If a teacher assigns five pages, do one hundred. If someone gives you a kiss… Never mind.

12. Make a poem the rhymes “Twelve” with “Elf”

13. Take a 4 year old to a mall and lose him.

14. If you are lucky enough to be considered by me a friend, don’t argue with me. I want a friend not a debate.

16. Give up every once in a while. You can’t understand how freeing it is.

17. Be someone else for your whole life, and then right before you die, say “Just kidding!”

18. Read a book.

19. Read another book.

20. Go outside.

21. Get off the computer!

22. RIGHT NOW!

23. GO OUTSIDE!!!

24. I thought I told you to leave…

26. Listen to “Dammit” by blink182. Reflect.

27. Count to 78 by -3s

28. Skip ahead to 48.

29. When someone tells you that you are stupid, glare at them until they cry. If this requires you to follow them for years, do it!

30. Stop the world and melt with me.

31. Write dark poetry and read it at your birthday party.

32. Don’t follow strange advice. (And don’t eat pickles before sunrise)

33. .sdrawkcab etirW

34. Make up a new word.

36. Give Dylan MacKenzie a hug and say that he smells like Jesus.

37. Open your mind to new ideas. A closed door attracts no hoboes.

38. Don’t take Beatles songs literally. Even though love is nice, food and water are also required.

39. Laugh.

40. Cry.

41. Scream.

42. Dance.

43. Immortality is not meant for human. Don’t start something you can’t finish.

44. Go to a funeral where you know no one and make a very heartfelt speech. Then run away.

46. Don’t be depressed about someone dying. The dead person is not depressed about you living.

47. When you are about to die, make sure you have some witty last words. “Be sure to protect the- Blarghhhh!”

48. Go back to 28.

49. When a sign says “Take one”, take two. And then laugh because you are such a rebel.

60. Grow up old with someone you don’t like. Because then you will be able to complain and wallow in self pity.

61. You control your emotions. So if you want to be happy, just be happy.

62. Send me an angry letter about one of the things I wrote on this list.

63. Shut up and let me talk!

64. Compliment your teacher by telling her “Your buttocks look like plum watermelons!” Trust me, it always works.

66. Accept the fact that you are stupid.

67. Write something that you know nobody will read and put it on a site nobody visits.

68. Read 68 again.

69. Read this list starting at 39 and ending at 47.

70. I’m not even reading what I’m typing. I’m surprised you made it this far in the list. Because of this you will be rewarded. Simply walk up to me and say, “The potato is in my pants.” Make sure you do it when I am with a large group of people.

71. Never fall in love with someone who plays games. Unless of course, you like monopoly! Hahaha!

72. Screw over everyone else to make yourself feel happy. Then discover that you aren’t really happy. Repeat.

73. Make a stupid joke.

74. Always finish what you’ve st…

76. Laugh again.

77. WRITE A COMMENT FOR THIS BLOG!!!

78. Don’t create your own religion. THAT WAS MY IDEA!!!

79. Don’t waste your time reading long list on the internet. You have a life, don’t you?? DON’T YOU????

Book 2: Rules

There are a few rules in Ianism. None of them are binding... There are a different set of rules for True Ianist, Ianist supporters, and forced Ianists. 1

True Ianists (Original Version)
1. Whenevereth someoneth asketh, thou musteth sayeth thateth thou art an Ianist.
2. Whenevereth thou meetest someoneth thy musteth telleth themeth thateth they art Ianists. If theyeth protesteth much, you must sayeth “I had thoughteth that as well, beforeth I wasest enlightened." Theneth thou must muttereth random curses undereth thou breath.
3. You musteth readeth my scriptures.

True Ianists (Simple English)
1. If anyone asks, tell them you’re an Ianist.
2. If you meet someone, you can tick them off by telling them that they are an Ianist. If they get angry just tell them, “I was angry too, at first” then mumble nonsense words under your breath.
3. Read my blog.2

Ianist Supporters (Original Version)
1. As the dancing of a silver dove does fly and soar, remember my nameth
2. Sing with one leg dancing under a car.

Ianist Supporters (Simple English)
1. You must know Ian.
2. You must be okay with my insanity3

Forced Ianists (Original Version)
1. If you know me, you are one. HAHAHA

Forced Ianists (Simple English)
1. If you know me, you are one. HAHAHA4

There are also many things that are suggested for you to do. But I’ll tell you about that later. Live long and prosper.5