Book 1:The Beginning of the End2

Book 1: The Beginning Of The End (P2)

Here's the first thing that I want to say about modern times... IT'S CRAZY!!! My generation is insane... They say that they hate writing and reading but they're obsessed with Texting. Don't they realize that texting is just writing and reading with crappy grammar??? They can type on their phones at a million miles per hour but ask them to type a one page essay. Texting has ruined writing!!!₁

I was at a party the other day and there was a child there half my height. He was texting rapidly on a cell phone. I asked him if it was his… He said “Yes” and made a look like “Why is this weird person talking to me?” I asked “How old are you?” He looked up at me like, well I’m not supposed to talk to strangers but you seem nice enough… I still don’t know if I should tell you my age. (Yes, in the three seconds he delayed his answer he went through all those emotions. Crazy, right?) “12” he said.₂

Hmm… I had thought he was around ten but whatever… It’s still insane!₃

When I told him I didn’t have a cell phone the look of pity in his eyes was surprising. Then I told him that I didn’t want one. Pity turned to shock in a millisecond. “Why!!?” he asked. I said it was because I didn’t want to pay money for something every month. “Oh.”₄

Actually I had lied. Even though I don’t want to pay money every month, the main reason I don’t want a cell phone is because people could talk to me at ANY TIME!!! I already am social enough with my email. I don’t need a device that sits in my pocket all the time and reminds me that I have friends. Isn’t that the point of being alone in your house??? You can pretend that you don’t have a life! You can pretend that everyone hates you! A cell phone would ruin that small pleasure. ₅

Book 1: The Beginning Of The End

Book 1: The Beginning Of The End (P1)

Nothing in this book should be taken seriously. Including this verse.₁

In the beginning many things happened. They all happened very fast and so I couldn’t write them down. Also the fact that I wasn’t in existence during these times doesn’t help very much. All I know about is a bias view of the history of humans and a lot of speculation.₂

Humans came into existence in the Stone Age. This does not however mean early human were stoned all the time. That happened much later. I believe it was called the Stone Age because there were a lot of rocks and stuff.₃

After the Stone age came the Bronze Age and the Iron Age which were pretty much the same as the Stone Age.₄

After that there were a few more Eras but they never really amounted to much at all. But then the earth found its purpose in the form of a beautiful baby boy. His name was Ian but everyone just called him Ian. The instant he came out of the belly the angels started to sing. Or maybe that was just his Mom screaming from having to push out a giant, slimy head.₅

Introduction

Hello, this is Ian MacKenzie. I am creating a blog to represent the religion, Ianism. Ianism is 30% for my amusement, 25% for my self-centered ravings, 20% for other's amusement, 9% a stupid idea gone too far and 1% actual relevant or important information.

Suggested things to do before you read this

1. Say to yourself, "This is not something I should get angry about!" 10-100 times, depending on your offensibility level.

2. Scream "I love Ian!" really loud in a library.

3. And join the Facebook group, "Ianists or Ianist supporters," (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=195082729836&ref=mf)

Thank you and I love you all.